October 05, 2005

A Memo To Tara Reid

To:  Tara Reid, White Trash Actress Extraordinaire

From:  The WTW Staff

Tara,  per your most recent interview with that media giant "Steppin' Out", you wanted to set the record straight.  We at WTW are ready to alert the public about your heavy-hitting statements.

Tara Reid wants to know: "Why is partying and having a good time bad?"

and

...these questions are for American journalists, like "there must be a journalist school where students are taught how to kill Tara Reid."

She wants to know "how come when someone else gets messed up or is a junkie or gets DUI'd and goes to rehab and is considered a hero again?"

Um, can you say Courtney Love?  We know, we know, Tara.  She is your idol...your hero.

She said she's hoping for a great movie role to impress people with her acting so they'll leave her alone.

For our sake, Tara, we will hope for a great movie role to show your amazing acting talent as well.  Like the Emmy-Award-Winning performance you had in "American Pie."  Stunning!

Reid also said she can't believe people made such a big deal out of her breast falling out of her dress on a red carpet last year. She told FHM "you would think my boob had popped out and shot Gandhi!"

Tara, we here at WTW actually believe that would have made a much more sensational news story.  Could you get that to happen for us?

She said "people act like it was the worst crime in the world." She's learned her lesson, though. She said she uses "double double tape" now, so her "hooters are under control."

...and for that we thank you.

Tara, we at WTW will always consider you the WTW cream of the crop.  Thank you for being you.

By the way, Howdy Doody called and he would like his boots back!

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