February 16, 2005

Me and My Old Man, a White Trash Love Story

Many of you wanted to know the real story 'bout how me'n my old man met. Well, I'll do my best, but it's so hard to 'ticulate in writing our amazing love story. Welp, here goes...

Me and my old man met in Hi-Vue Trailer Park during a tornado. Those underground shelters are good for something after all! Well, that is until Ma and Pa got a bit upset after we didn't come out for awhile.

Talk about a shotgun weddin'! It wasn't long after this picture was taken of Ma and Pa that the old man and me discovered we were gonna be a Ma and Pa, too. Here we are on our weddin' day. That Brittany and Kevin Federline ain't got nothing on us!

Fast forward 5 kids later, and about 20 dogs, we're doing just fine, even with that little paternity show we went on with Jerry Springer. I told the ole man that Earl was his kid - hell he had his dumbo ears'n everything, but Jerry worked it out for us. Well, I guess that's thar another story. Here's a picture of some of our pooches getting their baths:

For $10 for the lot of them, you can't blame us for hiring George and Geraldine - they wash 'em all up in less than an hour.

Anyway, me and my ole man is doing fine. I got to thinking about Valentine's Day and how romantic he has been. He's got me some pretty amazing stuff to honor our love. Some I can think of is a new Jello mold (shaped like a razorback, our favorite mascot!), Spam flavored condoms, gift certificates to the Wal-Mart snack bar, and some grease for that squeaky front door hinge. I've got him some pretty darn nice stuff, too, including some new cinderblocks for the trailer, some clear floormats for the old Ford and a tattoo on my right ass cheek with a picture of his favorite pet pig "PicNic." This year's Valentine's Day was really special. Our old trailer was a shambles, and instead of fixin' her up, my old man got me a new one. Look at this...it's out and out purty:

We just had Uncle Eustus haul the old one away and within the day, we were set up. What a great Valentine's Day! So, given I cook and all, I thought I'd set him up with an extra special Valentine's Day spread. I figger, a way to a man's heart is through his tummy, lest that's what Mamma said. Here's a picture of our meal (the old man likes Coors Lite tallboys and I like wine...spam is our favorite, iffin you didn't already know that):

So, that about sums it up for a most beautiful relationship, don'tcha think?

My next journal entry will probably be about my Uncle Eustus. He needs to go find himself. He's got interesting choices for dates since Aunt Pearl passed away.