January 26, 2005

You Know You Are "White Trash" When.....

Please don't take this as a profession to my "White Trashiness." Sure, there's a corner of my world that I remember that involved a small town, cow-tipping, big trucks, ball caps, flannel shirts and potlucks....but I dun grown up!

You know you are "White Trash" when.....

• You have a can of "Beanee Weenees" in your cupboard
• You know, or know someone who has gone cow-tipping
• You have had to use an outhouse (especially if it is in your backyard)
• Your idea of home improvement is attaching a camper shell to your double-wide
• You decorate your window with the sheet Aunt Phyllis gave you for your birthday
• You repair a cracked window with foil paper (you know, cuz it's purty)
• You keep a can of Raid by the kitchen sink
• The only picture you have of your husband Ernie is the one where he's holdin' up that plaque with numbers on it (and he don't look happy)
• The sight of blind kids playing the banjo doesn't faze you
• You have a horse tank in your backyard (and NO, it's NOT A SWIMMING POOL)
• You call butter "oleo"
• You still have a rotary phone in your trailer, er, home
• You use Aqua Net for that "all day" up-do
• You never had a dentist, and now you don't need one
• You know what "7-Up Cake" is
• You've ever made "spaghetti" with ramen noodles
• Your idea of fine dining is eating out of butter bowls
• You have a hairnet
• You know the words to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"
• You know who the Oakridge Boys are
• You wore cowboy boots to prom (or that "company" Christmas party)
• You can relate and empathize with the girl on Montel who doesn't know who the father of her child is
• You are one of the guys that could be the father of her child